Clowns. You either love them or hate them. What most adults don't realise is that kids can be quite frightened of clowns. Not hard to imagine because when you think about it, there's a fine line between being hysterical and being mad and we can view clown faces as either hysterically funny or darkly sinister.

Fear of clowns is called "coulrophobia". Research suggests that for children, this can be traced back to their infancy when they first started to recognise and make sense of facial features. Clowns have such exaggerated facial features that some children find it very difficult to accept them.

I mention this because after yesterday's wedding, eleven-year-old junior groomsman, Michael, came to me and said very pensively, "Did you bring the clowns?"

Unsure of what he meant, I said: "What clowns?"

"There are two clowns outside," he replied. "They're scary."

Perplexed, I went outside the chapel and sure enough, there were two adult clowns mingling with the guests.  One was resplendant in an "Uncle Sam" outfit and I had to admit, he did look scary!

I wasn't able to find out if they were invited or if they had just come off the Esplanade from entertaining the families along the Sandgate foreshore, but it got me thinking about clowns and kids and "coulrophobia".

If you are planning entertainment for your ceremony, just remember this if you are thinking about hiring clowns!

There is a school of thought within celebrancy that says that all celebrants should "tell the couple's story" during the course of the wedding ceremony.  With all due respect to the people pushing this philosophy, I have to say: "codswallop!"

The marriage ceremony is a very personal occasion, and unless couples have clearly said: "we want you to recite the story of how we met as part of our ceremony", the celebrant should not go there. Why?

Sometimes, people meet in ways that should not be publicly exposed. Some couples realise they are attracted to each other whilst being married to other people, and some meet on the internet or through answering personal dating ads in newspapers. This sort of thing is very private, and should never be aired in any ceremony.

Celebrants have an obligation to their clients to respect their wishes and provide the sort of ceremony they want.  Couples should not be forced to have their personal history aired in the ceremony simply because some amongst us say: "it's the done thing."

It would be really interesting to see celebrants developing ceremonies in the vein of master modern storyteller, Matthew Reilly. Reilly lurches from one high point to the next in his books, whilst most books tend to have a series of highs and lows to keep the interest of the reader ebbing and flowing as needed. The latest Batman movie, "The Dark Knight" is an example of the Matthew Reilly style at work - the plot moves from one fantastic situation to the next, with no chance for the movie-goers to relax.  I can't see this type of narrative working at all very well in wedding ceremonies, which have to ebb and flow as the different elements of the ceremony progress. Lurching from high point to high point could result in the ceremony sounding like a high-powered meat auction, and that's definitely not the type of event that a wedding is.

When clients tell you that they don't want to say a lot during the ceremony, this can literally mean that they only want to say what they have to say in order to have a valid marriage.

One groom was so reluctant to say much that I decided to make the ceremony really easy for him.

At the point of exchanging rings, instead of having the couple say something whilst giving the rings to each other, I phrased the statements they wanted to say into a question that they would just have to answer as they slipped the rings on each other's fingers. For example:

Celebrant: "Eleanor, David has given you his ring just as he has given you his heart. Will you accept them?"

Bride: "Yes". 

Celebrant: "David, will you accept Eleanor's ring , her heart and her love for life?

Groom: "Yes." 

This solved the groom's problem, and added an interesting twist to what is usually the routine exchange of rings in a wedding ceremony.